October 12th, 2000

Brown-eyed Stare

A beautiful Fall day....


Yes, I'm not very consistent with writing here. Oh well. Yes, things at work have changed dramatically in the past several weeks, and I like it. The male I am attracted to is still very attractive. And yes, I did want to play hookey again today (warmth on skin and a Fall-scented breeze).

Other than that, things are okay. Work at the Pharm is starting to suck, because I want to have a real life, where I go out and play, and not just work all the time. And my original motivation for getting this 2nd job was so that I would meet some more people, and not be such a technohermit. And yes, it has taught me some important things, but with the new people I've met, I'm finding that I have very little time to do things with them. Which is a real bummer.

And my physical goals are starting to materialize; yesterday I wore a pair of pants I haven't worn in over 6 years. :-) It's stuff like that, and the fact that taking Beastly for a several-mile walk is not so much of a chore anymore, that make this whole food plan thing bearable. I can't even bring myself to call it a diet (ewww... *makes face*). I would NEVER want to say that I condone anorexic-looking fashion model fakeness. We women are far too precious and beautiful to make us all fit into that narrow chute (b'side which, it's stupid, and promotes ghastly self-esteem, especially in teens -- which is when it needs to be built the most). Yes I like beauty, but I am trying my damnest to *be* the living proof that you don't have to be thin to be beautiful. Especially since, now that I'm fat, I am the happiest I've ever been. I *like* who I am, and what I am. I am simply trying for "healthier" than I have been, and that includes a new plan for the food I eat. It's making me feel better, so I do it (like I take vitamins). Not for anyone else, and *ESPECIALLY* not for society. Ewww.... I want to be loved for who I am, not for the shape of my meat suit. I just want a *healthy* meat suit.

YMMV, of course. :-) More later; must go count pills now. And tomorrow.... perhaps a *date*! (Even if it only winds up being one with myself!)

*smooch* Later, all.