April 25th, 2001

Fortitude in Snow

WARNING: Live Without Warning

No, I haven't been hiding out on Mars.... although I have thought about it. I have been a busy , BUSY little bee, and tonight is my first night off in over a week. I wasn't able to return calls, even though the house phone is back on, so I am sure some people have been wondering about me. Sorry, people; I will get back with you, I PROMISE. I hope it'll be soon. :-)

News... um... lessee... I have a new family member... a black and white furrball that I call Charlotte W. Kitty (and yes, the W stands for "wacko," "weirdo" and whatever wonderful W words I can fathom up). I am learning LOTS about kitties. Charlotte came to me two weeks ago tomorrow, as a foundling in the parking lot. Her ribs could be easily seen, and she meowed piteously like someone had cut off her paw. So I invited her in, and she ate an entire can of tuna in one sitting. Never mind that I am allergic to cats, even long-haired beauties like Ms. Thang (another nick for her); never mind that I was in for the first of many sleep-deprived nights. See, this is a *whole* kitty.... and she's in heat... which means the hours between 1am and 6am are prime "singing" time.... and caterwauling is NOT conducive to good sleep. *sigh* But the first night, she only woke me 3 or 4 times, by jumping up next to me, and purring loudly. *smile* I was a goner at that point; how could I not be?

She's got attitude, and backtalk (when I get after her for sharpening her claws on the couch, she keeps asking why, and I keep saying no). She's beautiful, and just the kind of cat I think I could get used to having, and maybe the allergies would comply, and I could get used to her.

But it's spring here, too, and having been very wet, the plants are FERTILE. Lots of flowers, and lots of pollen. Coupled with the left-over mould, and I have LOT of things that set my sinuses on edge. Add to that cat dander, and dried cat saliva, and you have a potent mix for disaster. I've been taking a lot of meds, and am trying to adapt, but am not sure if I can. And damn it, she's ADORABLE, and seems to have claimed me as hers! :-P

On other fronts, I can see where my Mom was right when she said to me: "WHy didn't you tell me? I didn't ned a man; I needed a KITTY!!" :-) The loneliness seems to have all but disappeared. Even so, I am still enamoured of someone I cannot even approach. And that's really hard, sometimes. PrettyBlueEyes has been having a really rough time, and it's hard to watch as he goes through this. I can only keep telling myself that friendship is the best thing I can offer, because it doesn't end.

And I can really see now, how the song "Ghost" applies to me so much, especially if you dissect the concept of being in love with someone's ghost, while they are still alive. Silly me; reality is such a trip, and I have SO MUCH to learn from it. *sigh*

On another front of a similar nature: Nothing panned out as expected with the male I described earlier, and what may have been a nice little relationship only turned out to be a very short time period of physicalness. And it wasn't even that great, because I need to have the heart and the mind involved; I CAN'T do things any other way. See, even thought I have mellowed out incredibly over the past several years, I am so much a passionate, heart-driven person, that I am often celibate simply because I am so damn picky. And that can be a good thing, but it makes for a mostly-solitary sex life. :-P And it's SO much more fun when there's another person involved. Oh well; integrity comes with a price, like all good things do.

That's about it for now; I'll get back to writing more now; I'm not so damn busy in the upcoming weeks, and yes, it WAS for a purpose. I got the ticket to Seattle! Yaay! I am Emerald City-bound at the end of May. I come in on the 26th, LATE Saturday night, and leave the following Wednesday. Not that much of a stay, but it's so much easier to get 2 days off, especially as a new hire. :-)

Talk with you all more later; someone's food bowl is empty now, and I am being summoned to remedy the situation. :-)

PS: Is it me, or has EVERYTHING in my apartment suddenly been claimed as a cat toy? Since *when* is a power cord a toy? Or my notebook? This is strangeness to me; I know dogs. Cats, I am still learning. :-)