July 13th, 2001

Brown-eyed Stare

For Matthew, wherever he may be....

I tried to leave a message on his machine this afternoon. I haven't heard back from him since we talked Tuesday night. Wednesday I called and left a message, and it isn't like him to not call back.

Just now I called, and tried to leave a message. And the machine is full. I know he's been depressed, and I know he said he wants to just leave, but damn, I hope he didn't just...go. I wanted to come down this evening and swap computers, and install some stuff so he could get back on the internet, and such, while I fix his laptop... and now I can't even do that. There's only so much stress that one person can take, and he's right up near the limit.

And now I'm worried. Really worried. Because there are several reasons why he's not there and not answering his machine, and none of them are good ones.

I know the space he's in is not a good one, and I hope that he's okay.

So, Matthew, if you read this, please know that I am thinking of you, I am praying for you, and I am worried about you. I hope you are safe and healthy, and that nothing bad has happened to you. I know the tortures of the mind, and I know what despair does to the spirit. I am sorry that you are hurting. However, I also know that whatever is happening right now *will* pass... so, please, whatever you do, just take good care of yourself. Please.

And if you have a moment, please call me and let me know you are okay. I care about you more than you know, and I believe in you. Be well.