May 20th, 2006

Brown-eyed Stare

A quick post.... to say I care....

I got a call this morning, early.

It was a friend in Eastern WA who had gotten to know someone online pretty well. She'd known the person since early last year, and had talked with him on the phone, and emailed back and forth a lot, as well as a lot of text messages back and forth, both in chat programs, and on the cellphone. She'd recently made plans to go to another state to visit him, and finally meet him. She thought they'd hit it off pretty well, and that perhaps they stood a chance of having a relationship. She'd come to really care for him, and he for her. He was in his late 20s, fit and handsome, and had an adorable little girl. She was happy when I talked with her yesterday.

This morning's call was very different:

"Hey Deb, it's E. Well, I'm not going to visit J. after all. He was in a bad car accident yesterday, and he was pretty torn up. He didn't make it."

I could hear the stifled sobs in her voice as she told me that he'd had broken legs and a broken arm, and that a broken rib had pierced a lung. She went on to say that she was holding up okay, and that her sister and close friend were with her, and would remain with her.

It broke my heart to hear the pain and regret and loss in her voice. But more than that, it made me think about the people I love, and how short life really is.

So, for the record, here's a public statement:

If I've ever said I loved you or cared about you, please know that I meant it. That's a decision on my part, and I don't flip those things on & off like switches.

I would gladly say it again, so that you understand it. I might be the next one whose time has come; none of us knows when we're gonna die. And I don't want my last words with someone to be harsh ones, or for people to not know how much I cared about them, and how much they meant to me. So many of you that read what I write here are *very* important to me. Even if I have little time or opportunity to post responses, I still read what I can from my phone-screen, and I do still care. Thank you for everything you've all given me. I am, indeed, a wealthy soul -- than you for reminding me of it.

**Hugs** to all.

Much love to everyone I love, and light, love and joy to all.
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    touched grateful for love & friends