October 4th, 2006

Brown-eyed Stare

Om-ish stuff on my birthday

Funny that this comes today - I felt this way last night, doing a few
little things that paid off in warm fuzzies, and made me smile.

This morning was another story: I woke in a funk, in part because I'm
not celebrating with a big group of friends again this year, unlike when
I was in MI. If I were in Lansing, last night would have been a night
out at a favorite restaurant, with me and Steve celebrating together
(his bd is the 7th), with his gf Linda having made a cake with both our
names on it and lots of candles. Jim would have stopped by, and given
me a ride home. Tom and Jerry would've been there (and we'd wish Tom a
happy birthday too, because ever since his aneurism, Tom forgets things,
and we'd tease him that *every* day is his birthday). Mark and Wendy
would've been there too, as would Dave, and Sally with her gf - and they
might have brought their puppies, as well. I'd been doing this with them
for the past 10 years, or so - so it's a little strange for me to not do

I'd wanted to throw a party/bbq this weekend to celebrate here, but
since I have to move again (Al told me Sunday she needs the room for her
relatives - their daughter's coming for bone marrow work at Fred
Hutchinson), I don't feel comfortable doing that. So, I'm celebrating
with my breakfast sandwich, and with the laptop I'm (hopefully) getting
later, and continuing to look for a new room/place. I'm sure that the
choir will make sure I get sung to - they're cool like that. And Jim
and Jesse have both called with sweet birthday wishes, which was nice.

Things change, and I've been working on telling myself that depression
is just incorrect thinking -- & that feeing sad for what isn't there
causes me to miss out on enjoying what *is* there. I miss my mom, my
sister and her husband, and my little nephew. I miss my good friends in
Lansing. And I miss Jim. But I have a lot of wonderful things I can
enjoy right here (even a good laugh when I schmutz my shirt with ketchup
from my breakfast... I am definitely amusing). Perhaps a quiet night of
dinner with myself, and practicing music with the choir, is what I need
to do this year - maybe next year will be one with margaritas and cake.

Hope you like the Om stuff, and the quote.

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, 'till
it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up
then, for it is just the place and time that the tide will turn."
--Harriet Beecher Stowe

Recompense Of The Heart
Libra Daily Horoscope
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