February 18th, 2007

Brown-eyed Stare

Quick Update

By this time tomorrow, I hope to be a resident of Redmond. Late tomorrow morning, several friends are meeting me and J. at the church near my (old) house. They'll help me get all of my stuff out (in a truck, an SUV and a van), and I'll be staying in a friend's spare room for a month or two, perhaps longer.

I realized, when I went to Ceremony on Saturday, that I was carrying far more tension and anger/fear/whatever than I'd realized (a friend pretty much heard me "broadcasting"). And I know from the work I did in fighting the cancer, that I cannot put myself in that sort of a situation, any more, for any reason. CAN NOT. I know I can defend myself, but I shouldn't *have* to worry about that in my own home. So, when a few friends said they could move me *quickly* -- instead of being stubborn and saying I can take care of myself, I accepted the help gracefully. So, perhaps I'm learning things.

I am still a bit angry, though, that I cannot handle this situation alone. But that's only because I'd really hoped it could end on a more positive note. But I can't control the situation -- I only have charge of my end of things, and I've already done the best I can with them.

With some energy work done on me today, and some work I did for myself on Friday (in prep for Saturday), I've regained some good perspective on who I am, and who I've been (that's built the 'me' that I am now). I've seen that I am far stronger than I often remember, and that I have travelled through many difficult events, always coming out the other side whole. Cancer has been the biggest one so far, and I'm finishing up the mental work on that one. I didn't want to die, but when I went in for surgery, I was prepared for it, and the work I did to get there has given me a whole other area of perspective. And the work I do on myself, while it is pretty hard most of the time, is *always* worth it.

More later. At my new house, I'll have access to wireless internet, so I expect to be doing a bit more writing soon. :-) Go me.

Time for me to get some sleep. It's gonna be a BIG day tomorrow. *Hugs* to you all.
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    The Dresden Files