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Mental Feng Shui
....revising what (& who) will fit in the room....
A quick one....
Am just now realizing how tired and cranky this constant pain is making me. I've scheduled the MRI for tomorrow, and hopefully they'll finally be able to tell me what I've done to my neck/back to piss it off so. And I do hope I hear from the Sleep Clininc people soon... I could REALLY USE that machine -- am still SO VERY TIRED.....

For the record: I AM SO VERY TIRED OF BEING SORE / SICK / DISPLACED / HOMELESS / NEST-LESS / RESTLESS and UNWELL. I AM SO SICK OF ALL OF THESE THINGS, THAT I FIND IT HARD TO SPEAK IT IN WORDS. I know -- I beat cancer, yadda-yadda, and all that... but it feels as though things were *easier* this time last year -- lots of support & encouragement from lots of people.... and the hardest thing I had to forgo was remembering to NOT pick up an adorable 18-month-old (who has since been taken out of my life). All of the positive stuff back then? It helped -- A LOT. Now? I feel as though I'm stuck with a decrepit, broken, sore, overly-fat body that is too tired to carry itself around, let alone come up with enough energy to dance/have fun. The lack of energy, coupled with the pain, and the nearly-constant need for sleep (and the injuries that seem to be coming with the sleep) are really beginning to wear on me. And I'm ashamed to admit any of it, because 'at least it's not cancer.' So, there. That's my barefaced confession for today -- at least I can say it.

Am still hoping (& crossing fingers, toes & other items) that the house will come thorugh. It will make the next several weeks rather lean ones -- but it will mean a HOME. And that will help, even if it still only in theory.

For now, am going home to make spaghetti, and try to relax and fix my Mp3 player. **Hugs** to all.

The State of the Cranium is: : tired tired

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dianthus From: dianthus Date: January 3rd, 2008 01:33 am (UTC) (This Entry)

*crosses fingers*
loba From: loba Date: January 3rd, 2008 03:47 pm (UTC) (This Entry)
Thanks, dearie. And many thanks for the Fishy, too.
jenk From: jenk Date: January 3rd, 2008 02:34 am (UTC) (This Entry)
My sleep doc has retired or I'd send you to him. Once he decided I needed the CPAP he had me a rental that day.
loba From: loba Date: January 3rd, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC) (This Entry)
Oh, wow. That would be *excellent*... so I guess I gotta go chew my doc's butt about this, now. I can do that -- I *need* the sleep, and I'm getting a little too good at being grumpy.
rainboigrl From: rainboigrl Date: January 3rd, 2008 02:51 am (UTC) (This Entry)
*HUGS* Candle will be lit tonight and good energy and thoughts sent your way. And I like you squishy :) HUGS I understand the overly-fat thing all to well I am not feeling very attractive lately. Hopefully if all goes well this summer I can come visit you.
loba From: loba Date: January 3rd, 2008 03:54 pm (UTC) (This Entry)
Thanks, honey. I like squishy, too.. ;-) But being so tired and cranky that I don't even have energy for fun things makes me feel like this body is *broken*. And yes, I realize that I could weigh less and feel the same -- but sometimes I forget, and my mom's voice comes back, and all I hear is "Fat!" which sucks. (She has similar symptoms when her arthritis is feeling bad -- and she's barely 100 lbs.)

I'm feeling a bit less pain today, so it's better (less hurt per move). I can't *wait* to get back in the water... movement and exercise *without* pain. And you KNOW how I love to swim. :-D

**BIGHUGS** to you and your sweetie!!
(Deleted comment)
loba From: loba Date: January 3rd, 2008 04:09 pm (UTC) (This Entry)
**hugs** Thanks. I hope that L. and I can be settled soon.
lisakit From: lisakit Date: January 3rd, 2008 06:15 am (UTC) (This Entry)
Let me know how the MRI comes out. Call the sleep clinic (or the referring doc) again if you need to. Be aggresive about your health.

Take care!
loba From: loba Date: January 3rd, 2008 04:23 pm (UTC) (This Entry)
Okay.... I can do this. Mostly, I feel like all I do is work and sleep -- and I know there should be more than this.

Also, my bonehead move for last night: Prednisone before bed. Gah. Last time I do that!
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