Deb (loba) wrote,

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The current SOTD (State Of The Deb)... or OMFGTGIF!!!

1 - I'm finally getting over the virus that has had me in its grip since just before my birthday. But now, complications fom it are what I need to deal with (and I'm not pleased). See #2.

2 - I have 2 -3 pinched nerves (we think) in my neck and upper back (think = we won't know until my MRI, and I flunked the small tube-one last night, so I have to go down to Southcenter for the C one. I am NOT a tuberat, and I *do* freak out in very small spaces that I am shoved into. I'm just sayin'.)

3 - So these pinched nerves: they are a constant source of ache, and occasional streaks of pain -- and I'm becoming a nasty-tempered shrew because of them. Tylenol #3 just holds the pain out at arms' length, and does nothing for the main problem. Flexeril does relax the muscles, but the vertebrae just don't seem to want to go back to their respective "correct homes." Scarey for me, as since I was a little girl, I could straighten out most of my own back, with stretches, and "feeling" the way back in. Now I CAN'T, and the CAN'T part is the constant source of pain. And I'd forgotten how a constant source of pain wears on a person. And, since my upper back is tight and in pain, I think my lower back is trying to compensate, because it's begun to hurt a LOT as well (usually after only 20-30 steps, which SUCKS). I can sit, and it recovers, but it also comes back quickly. Suckage.

4 - Additionally, these lovely little misaligned nerves make life weird: I don't grip half as well as I did a few months ago (read: I keep dropping things), I often have "zings" that shoot up my arms, and down my shoulders. And when I raise my arms to my head (like when I wash/rinse my hair), my hands go numb. Ow. Damn. Grrr.

I keep telling doctors (and anyone else who will listen) that if I just had a handle installed at my ass-end, and one at the top of my head, then someone could pull me like an accordion, and that would probably work. But no one seems to want to listen to me. *sigh*

5 - On other fronts, I have realized that, since I got sick then, I've actually gained weight.... to the point that I am now uncomfortable with what my body can and cannot do (regardless of what the sickness' limitations may have been). Faugh. So, I'm doing what I can to step up my metabolism (without having to deal with the bad lower back pain mentioned above). I **SO** want to be moved, so I can join the Y and swim... because it's easy on my back and arthritic knees, and I can still get a good workout (and burn up some stress).

6 - And stress? That lovely little thing that makes me want to strangle people who don't use good manners (or who try to belittle me into giving them an appt on the phone) -- yes, I'm not doing as well with stress recently as I want to be. I'm working on it, but today's attitude was a wash -- no thanks to hordes of ill-tempered patients, and me being restricted to playing 'trained monkey.' Oh, how I long to be a Pharmacy Tech again... to have a little of the respect that The Lab Coat brings (without the mouthiness and verbal abuse that so many patients try to use today.) And there are at least 2 people (one was a doctor) that I've wanted to punch in the snoot for the past 2 days -- for ignorance-bordering-on-idiocy in their caregiving to others. I know this stuff, people, and I'm not even formally (sscholastically) trained, fer pete's sake! Doesn't anyone around here know what the Hippocratic Oath means? And that it pertains to ALL caregivers, not just surgeons? Sheesh. People have no pride in their work today, or just don't care that some actions just scream "IDIOT" when they do them. I don't like violence (as a general rule), but I am starting to believe more and more that a good 'punch in the snoot' might do some good once in a while. It might shake some brains loose in those who DESPERATELY need to use them in their care for others. Gah. /steps off her little medical soapbox.

7 - And now that that little tirade is out of the way: The House.
I got an email back earlier today, letting me know that they'd just faxed our stuff over to The Reference-Checking Company, and that they will let us know when info comes back (next week). *sigh* I'd so hoped to have good news by today, but instead, I get to practice Being Patient (and I think most of you know just how far *that* gets me, most days). :-P So I will try once again, to wait patiently, because it's not in my hands anymore. I will try to continue to calm my mind by stretching my body, and releasing the tension in my neck and back. I will continue to ask for backrubs (because my stooopid insurance does not cover them --despite the fact that they've been the best relief I've had). *Sigh* And I WILL NOT PANIC.

7 - Getting stuck in the MRI last night (okay, so I wasn't really stuck, it just felt like I was gonna never get out -- I got out just fine) -- THAT was a case of sheer panic. I'm still wired on the leftover adrenalin it produced -- abnd I was so wired at the time, L. could feel myheart beating through the air (and I could see its movement in the cup of water I held). Wow -- sheer terror. I can safely say that I HATE small spaces like that, and the feeling of being 'wedged in' in a hard space (wedged into a pillowed space feels different, and a whole damn lot better). I don't know how much of the terror I felt was because I spent 5 days trying to be born (MOM was in labor for 5 days with me, because she's small-boned, and my shouolders were wedged in her pelvic bone). Last night was not a pelvic bone, but it was a very hard plastic, noisy tube that held my shoulders and chest far too tightly for my comfort. (Yes, my tits were too big for me to fit in the MRI. Happy, now? ;-P

8 - And with the stress of today, I think I really need to have someone take me to the Hot House, and make sure I soak for a while. I'd say the Olympus Women's Day Spa, but it's double the price, and I need to stash every penny I can for the move. But the *only* way I was able to ground last night was in water.... that says a lot about me, and about where I was at, last night.

9 - As for tonite, we have a Fire Ceremony, but I will be gaming instead. I'm actually afraid to go to Fire, because of what might be ripped from me (because after today, the impulse to just "throw it all on the fire" is a big one -- and one Does NOT throw things on the fire willy-nilly. Oh my, NO. It's a specific case of "Be careful what you ask for -- because you WILL get it." So, no, i think the upcoming Despacho (and the thankfulness that goes along with it) will be much better for me. And my fighter can go kill things tonight.

That's about it for now, dearies. Stay well, and keep each other warm. And **HUGS** to all.

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