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Update and thanks. - Mental Feng Shui
....revising what (& who) will fit in the room....
Update and thanks.
Thank you to everyone who's offered suggestions; I got a $330 ticket to a city near my Mom's and Jim (my ex and best friend) will pick me up late Saturday night, and take me up to Alpena (where my grandfather is).

I called Robin (my Dad's wife) earlier this morning to let her know that I was on my way, and she said that grampa was comatose then, and might not even hold on long enough for my Dad to get there. Later, my sister called, and let me know that, at 2:23 p.m. EST, Grandpa passed peacefully. Robin and her daughter were with him the entire time.

It's really hard for Robin, because she's taken care of Grampa pretty much solidly for the past 10 years. And she's not dealt with death personally before -- it's hard.

I felt selfish myself, hoping that Gramp will hang on, and that perhaps I could see him once more, and say goodbye.... It's hard to know that I will never again speak Polish to him, and have him speak it back to me (my Dad can understand it, but rarely speaks it), and I will never see those incredibly blue eyes sparkle at me again. Of all my relatives, Gramp was the *only* one when I was a child (and again when I was an adult), who always accepted me exactly for who I was/am. He just loved me, and never asked me to change, or tried to get me to change.... if I wanted to learn something, he just taught me as best he could. I remember learning how to run a band saw and a drill press and sander under his gentle, guiding hand. He never once shamed me, or said I could do it because I 'was a girl.' His was a complete and all-encompassing acceptance for me just as I was, and he loved me so very much.

He was the ONE male relative that, throughout my childhood and adolescence, NEVER hurt me -- not ONCE. Not physically, not psychologically, not emotionally. He may not have spoken much, but I never once had any cause to doubt (or be confued about the fact that) Grampa R. LOVED me exactly as I was/am, for who I was/am. No weird stuff, no shame, no violence. Just LOVE.

For that wonderful gift, and for his amazing acceptance, I'll always be grateful. And I was really hoping to be able to tell him that (even though I think he already knew).

I'm still going back to 'say goodbye,' and see my Dad and Robin. I'll also get to see my sister and her two sweet boys. And Jim says, if there is time, we will swing by Rogers City, and see my other living grandparent, my Maternal Grandmother (who is already 90) so that I can see her once again.

I have Bereavement Leave for Monday and Tuesday. I have help with the plane ticket (which I got for $330 to a city near my Mom's house -- THANK YOU web-knowledgeable people!!!) and I may even have help with some gas $. I am grateful beyond words, even as I'm still sad, and worried about my Dad.

Thanks again to everyone. I will take my laptop and post again while I'm there.

The State of the Cranium is: : sad sad

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rainboigrl From: rainboigrl Date: February 23rd, 2008 04:58 am (UTC) (This Entry)
Have a safe trip and I am glad that you had someone so positive and all accepting in your life.
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